• The Intimology School

Putting the Sexual Spark Back in Your Relationship

Updated: Jun 29, 2020

A sexual lull can happen to any long-term couple, even if there's still a great deal of love in the relationship. Sex can become rare, routine, or otherwise unable to satisfy that mutual need for erotic intimacy. Although it's normal to have these ebbs and flows of desire, putting the spark back into your sex life should definitely be a priority. Indeed, having healthy physical intimacy is vital for the happiness and longevity of a relationship. It's time to find your way back to each other. Get started with these guidelines for connecting with your partner again.

Learn to Understand Each Other's Love Language  

Dr. Gary Chapman's incredibly influential book The 5 Love Languages has been a bestseller for more than two decades. After studying hundreds of couples, he made the groundbreaking discovery that everyone has a dominant way of expressing and feeling love. Further, the languages include words of affirmation, physical touch, and receiving gifts. Take the test with your partner and begin to understand a fundamental aspect of how you each experience intimacy. This insight can help guide your relationship for the better in your everyday life. More importantly, watch the sparks fly when you apply what you've learned in the bedroom.

Make an Effort to Have Sex

During the early stages of the relationship, sex is a spontaneous way for couples to relate to one another. Once you're further along in your time together, there's no shame in making a transparent effort to have more sex. Talk about it together, make a plan, and set aside specific times to connect for intimacy. However, scheduling sex doesn't have to be unromantic. Have fun with it, and be playful. The shared anticipation can be a wonderful form of foreplay and will lead to having a great time together.

Cultivate Pleasure

According to the celebrated relationship therapist Esther Perel, "The most overlooked erotic organ is our mind". She advises couples to seduce each other by deepening intimacy, mentally and emotionally. Don't focus only on the physicality of the experience because so much of sexuality is in your imagination. Flirting, creating ambience, and speaking openly about your sexual desires can all help to refresh that erotic connection.

Learn More About Getting the Sexual Spark Back

This February, Intimology Institute - The School of Sexual Wellness will host "Spark Desire", an experience talk about creating a sexually fulfilling life. Sexuality experts will facilitate an in-depth discussion to help you rediscover the fire in your relationship.


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