• The Intimology School

Sex, Lies, and Menopause

Updated: Jun 29, 2020

We all know that women who reach a certain age go through menopause. The change of life, as it's commonly known, affects fertility, but that's not all that it affects. Menopause also changes how a woman feels about sex. Things that once felt good may not feel good any more, or a woman's sex drive may not be as high as it once was. This can cause strain in their relationships and even make them feel inadequate. Women and men alike may reach out to friends for coping strategies, but often the most well-meaning buddies will say something along the lines of "That's just what happens." Western cultures teach us that post-menopausal women don't want sex anymore and that sex stops being enjoyable at a certain age, but it doesn't have to be that way. Couples can have a fulfilling sex life pre-menopause, during menopause, and after menopause. The outlook doesn't have to be grim. Here's what you need to know.

Menopause Does Change Sex

Sex doesn't die after menopause, but it does change. Understanding that change is important to continuing to have a fun, fulfilling sex life after menopause. One change is that a woman has less estrogen in her system. This can make women less sensitive to being touched and can make it harder for women to become aroused. Additionally, the vagina doesn't self-lubricate to the same extent after menopause, which can make sex dry and uncomfortable.  

Explore and Communicate Changes

Once you understand why women seem less interested in sex after menopause, it's easy to make adjustments to make sex exciting again. Communication is the key to sharing how you feel about intimacy. Encourage your partner to consider you a safe space where they can communicate their needs and you can communicate your desires. Here are a few additional tips to make sex enjoyable for older women:

Use Lubricant

Liberal application of lubricant ensures comfortable, enjoyable sex for both partners. It's a wonderful addition to your sex life that can enhance your sexual experiences while helping you reconnect through physical touch and intimacy. Be sure to learn about which lubricants work best for you. Our personal favorites are from coconu.com

Discover Arousal

Take time to discover what turns you on and what turns you off. Nurture your new pleasure journey without putting pressure on your intimacy. 

Spice Things Up

For women, sex is a cerebral act as much as it is a physical act. Talk to each other about ways to spice things up in the bedroom to stimulate the sexual part of a woman's brain. This might be the time to try something like roleplaying or sex toys that you haven't tried before as a couple.


You don't have to be content with a sexless adult life. Even after menopause, sex can be enjoyable and fulfilling for both men and women. For more information about having the sex life you want, sign up for the Intimology Newsletter today.


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